January 2011
13 posts
oh and, she kept getting brighter as the evening wore on
but then I awoke and your hypnotic breathing was hot against my neck
She was sitting by the light of a hanging bulb at a square table. From Where I stood at the door all the tiles on the floor seemed to converge upon her at the other side of the room. I stepped lightly, putting one foot in front of the other, always forward but never loudly, never loudly enough to break her trance or cut the moment like the grout that divided up the tiles. I peered over her...
when I stir I’m half asleep but when I dream I’m wide awake
I’m tracing pacing sidewalk cracks in my sleep so where can I begin to understand what makes the cracks so perfect? I lack (so much) appreciation for the place the breaks have here
and god said, ” .”
my radiator is leaking if I turn it off the room drops to zero but if I leave it on I can’t sleep for the drip drip drip of the water
the million little worlds held in capsules in the plastic bottle (sitting listless on the shelf) beckon with their essences and sing lessons through the memories I have spent my time collecting
in the light you appear to be so complete and so together but when you sleep I think your head floats free
untethered .
“Does nobody understand?”
– James Joyce
“You’re never going to find any peace.”
and I say to myself “wake up it’s almost two a.m. almost time to lie there restless”
December 2010
17 posts
I’m staring past your eyes at the place where the smoke ring is wrapped around your neck you said you’re waiting for someone (and I am not waiting with you) but no one seems to be arriving then again I wasn’t waiting for you and you managed to come by perhaps someone is coming around sometime after all
(going nowhere all the time) is all the time, all the time is all that’s left? are you certain it runs like sand down the sculpted sides of an hourglass? (that you made when you were scared) do you fear it runs forever?
“All I want in life’s a little bit of love to take the pain away.”
our thoughts are not recursive like video cameras that film the televisions that display the things they see like two mirrors facing one another facing one another facing facing facing what?
some say out of sight is out of mind but I’ve come to see that our minds are always out of sight that no one can dream of what another has thought and that I don’t ruminate on the implications carried with the thoughts I carry with me
I wish I could make fire in my hands or light fires in the chests of those that stand abreast of me but I’ll settle for the tangerine orange and cold and textured resting in my palms (the embers of december they put themselves out without the aid of the rush of the wind blowing with assurance that I cannot make my own)
and then it hits your brain and you disappear
this is a sentence. this is real.
13 Weeks
The wind is blowing quickly outside the open window I sit beside. It carries with its whistle the sound of traffic dragging its feet through a stoplight, and the rustling of the last leaves of this season, clinging to the branches they have called home for as long as they can remember. The air in my room is still, patient, waiting, as if it expects me to say something to it, something that will...
why do the good things taste so bad
while the tasteless things just kill my appetite
a television flickers a cigarette is ashed and some where radio towers send things not seen to antennas that cannot speak but the pentagram is starting to break where night is falling all over all these things and over us
oh stop asking every question and let me die with you in every moment that we pass from here to elsewhere (every moment that is heard is heard by all) in the silence that says you love me despite my faults
profound isolation drains all the beauty from a day but when you shift your position and redefine the composition you have stapled to the window the glass all shatters and the mirrors all read what you’ve got to look forward to (warmly lit and warmly passing from the place we occupy)
if you’re to face the day in which direction should you stand?
all the people I’m not they’re bubbling to the surface of my skin and I’m watching my hands change color to a more agreeable shade of pale and given the circumstances I have every intention of sitting and watching idly as my nerves go dead my nerves going dead going dead go dead go go far from here because I’m nothing but the things you already are
I’m trying desperately to find the humor in an out of body experience where you watch yourself commit suicide again and again with a bottle of sleep medication where does your ghost go when your host has closed its doors? it’s two a.m. and you just can’t sleep and it’s happy hour so you’ll never find peace
November 2010
1 post
I feel as though I’m counting to infinity and the numbers never change for me
October 2010
30 posts
and every time I see what I have done I realize that I am so far from where I ought to be
it was hiding in the place where decay crackled through the air
(all the stones were fast asleep) and we were innocent as we burned the place down and under the glow I could see what remained of us
you’ll never make up for the things you lack and you can’t fight nature you don’t understand chasing the tangled air that thrills you and kills you dead with delight
where can you go from here this place where nothing can subsist the undertow you can’t resist that pulls on you from overhead drugging you dragging you up and far from yourself
before you can claim to see something, you have to look at it in multiple ways
understanding happens when you’ve seen something in infinite ways
and when it’s gone life will go on in parts of you
you pull like gravity yet you turn me away and falling short of you has become my pattern oh it is written in my skin
and that was all
there was nothing more before it or after it but what it was
to pry with tingling fingertips through the folds of fabric that conceal and congeal the essence of what it would have been a naïve and utterly foolish action on the part of the prier
so burned out gone emaciated heart and lungs asphyxiated thought and feeling all quite jaded waste of space and your time acidic youth on steep decline
I met you where the split images collided your knees vacillated and your fingers twitched with energies from sources untapped and consequence laid upon the surface carried abandon enough to send you far from nature’s grasp where the confusion claws at you lonely but the flatness here has come to own me where the shadows start to bend
oh everything’s glowing and the blue blood’s flowing
candles burning up into the daybreaks of our youth
bruise
if what I see is how the world did change you just three months in one year out of bounds
but don’t look back just keep your focus on the footsteps one in front of itself in front of you
forging your path through the streetlamp afterburn into the silvery luster of the ashes you found him wallowing in remains
but the forever lost are never found alone they don’t drink once and drown so silent
so...
intuitive
yeah you look and you look time wasted on time long past blue eyes entranced and fingers twitching raw stimuli flying by too fast
oh what do you search for in pages buried beneath themselves all understanding lost to dust all context stained deep into shelves
these are seconds frozen pure every hit it takes you there just like falling back in time without your worry or your care
and so rough to...
I might be hung up on nothing or searching for something buried too deep come walk around with me for hours the sky’s on fire and I just can’t sleep
to look beyond the looking glass is only to see what you have passed from perspective anew
building it up to break it all down
You can’t stop the twitch In her restless eyes In her oil paint skies where Black birds flock to the gesso grass and taste nothing but do not care for their withering chance to fly beyond imagination’s expanse
and then the feeling left and I was wrapped up in myself again wondering if we’ll ever be the same again difference is our constant oh I am as steadfast as can be but this knowledge cannot soothe me when the ache is gone it’ll all evaporate with my interest outward I will feel nothing at all and know no sorrow